“Can I actually choose what I believe?”

Detailed Answer:

from Chapter 7, Part 2 & 4

 

We each need God’s perspective, but we may not know how to get it.

Honestly acknowledging this need often seems challenging and even counterintuitive (especially if we already know the truth in our heads), but it is only the first step in this journey. As you will recall, when we are confronted with a seemingly unsolved problem, we look for a solution to it, and if we are unable to see God’s intended solution, we typically attempt to solve the problem ourselves. This dynamic applies to our current discussion as well. When we realize our need for God’s perspective, we will do whatever we believe is most likely to meet this need. Here again, we need to honestly assess our chosen strategy to determine if it is really working.

For instance, what do you do when you realize that a Bible verse does not feel or seem true? What do you typically do in response to a flareup of painful emotion? How do you handle situations that leave you feeling angry, sad, or disappointed? What do you do when you feel compelled to act inappropriately? How do you address the resistance or hesitancy you feel at the thought of sharing your faith with a stranger? What do you do when obeying God’s word seems difficult and challenging? How have you handled those areas in your life where you could use more peace, joy, love, or patience?

Each of these situations indicate your greater need for God’s perspective. How have you typically addressed this need? Has your chosen method consistently worked thus far? Has it resulted in a lasting change in your belief, perspective, emotions, and behavior? If so, does this change require you to do something in order to maintain it? If you were to disengage your chosen method, would the painful emotion come back, would the negative thoughts return, would the struggle and compulsion intensify? If so, we would like to suggest that this means your chosen method is not actually changing what you believe to be true. You may have succeeded in altering your mood or changing your behavior, but the beliefs behind them both seem to be unchanged which means you still need God’s perspective.

I ran into this problem time and time again during my years of counseling before the formation of TPM. Those with whom I met would come to understand that the pain they felt was caused by the lies they believed, and they would quickly recognize their need for truth. But this is where our progress slowed dramatically.
In those early years I basically understood that their problem was their belief in a lie, and the solution was to correct their faulty thinking with the truth. But I operated from the flawed assumption (as many do) that it was my responsibility to somehow change their belief. I would tell them the truth, show it to them using Scripture, equip them with practical strategies, and encourage them to “choose” to deny their feelings and believe what the Bible said.

To help them understand this process I used a borrowed analogy that went something like this; “FACT, FAITH, FEELING.” I would encourage them to start by focusing on the FACTS found in Scripture. Then I would have them choose to believe the truth by FAITH. And finally, we would expect their FEELINGS to eventually reflect this “change.” But, as we will discuss shortly, there was a major flaw in this strategy.

At that point in my journey, I did not yet understand why this strategy was not consistently working with those I was trying to help. The fact that most of them already knew the truth in their heads only confused me further. For they intellectually knew that a small child is never responsible for the abuse they receive, that neither their traumatic experience nor their memory of it would actually kill them (considering they obviously survived), and that the Lord would, in fact, bring justice. They were able to say things like, “I’m not dirty,” “I’m not there anymore,” “I’m not alone,” “The Lord was with me,” “I do have value,” “It was not my fault,” but when they focused back on the memories of their abuse, it was as though they had somehow “forgotten” the truth. (It was at this point that I would bring out the “FACT, FAITH, FEELING” tool and hope for the best.)

They genuinely wanted to believe what they were saying. They memorized it, quoted it to themselves and to each other, and practiced living as though they believed these truths (hoping that it would one day “click” for them). But no matter how many times they heard the truth, they still only believed it in their heads. They would read it, reread it, memorize it, quote it, act it out, and try their best, but nothing they did had a lasting impact on what they believed in their hearts. The pain was still present, their perspectives had not changed, and the lies still felt true.

It wasn’t until later that I realized why they were struggling. We were unknowingly attempting to act outside of God’s created order. He did not design us to believe what we “choose” or “try” to believe. We cannot change our beliefs through fervent effort or willful choice. By God’s design, we believe whatever we are persuaded to believe. And nothing I could say to these people would persuade their hearts to believe what I was saying. I could only offer words, while their beliefs were rooted in their own first-hand experiences. They needed to hear the truth from someone more convincing than myself. They needed to be persuaded by an experiential encounter with the Spirit of truth (John 16:13).

 

We do not choose to have God’s perspective, we receive it.

When attempting to address their lack of God’s perspective, many people attempt to “choose to believe” the truth. Proponents of this method suggest that the issue is with us. They claim that we simply need to make better belief choices; we need to ignore what feels or seems true to us and “choose” to believe the truth, “choose” to trust God, and “choose” to rely on His word. Initially, these suggestions seem straightforward and logical, but they each suffer from the same critical flaw: they are impossible tasks.

To illustrate the impossibility of choosing to believe something, we encourage you to attempt it. Right now, as you are reading this, take a moment to choose to believe that two plus two equals five. Go ahead, we’ll wait… If it doesn’t seem to work, try again. Deliberately choose to believe that two plus two equals five. Write it down, memorize it, and maybe use this catchy song sung to the tune of “Jesus Loves Me!”

“Two plus two is five not four,
What used to be now is no more,
I choose to change the way I think,
Say ‘Up is down and blue is pink.”

If singing this song has not helped, you might ask a few friends to hold you accountable to believing this new mathematical “truth.” Do you believe it yet? Really? You can obviously act or pretend that you believe it, but do you really believe it? Does it genuinely seem or appear true to you? Probably not.

You may be thinking, “Of course I can’t choose to believe that two plus two equals five; I already know that two plus two equals four. Why would I choose to believe what I know is untrue?” We partially agree with this sentiment. None of us are able to choose to believe something that contradicts what we currently believe to be true; but this is precisely our point! Part of the reason for why “choosing to believe” doesn’t work is that you are already convinced that something else is true. Since you know this simple mathematical truth, you cannot choose to believe something that contradicts it.

On the other hand, you also can’t choose to stop believing that two plus two equals four. It is just as impossible to choose not to believe something as it is to choose to start believing something. You didn’t choose to believe that two plus two equals four and you are not choosing to continue in this belief. This is not how God designed our minds to work. We do not believe anything as a result of choice.

Just as you cannot choose to change your belief regarding even a simple mathematical equation, it is impossible for you to “choose to believe” the truths found in Scripture. No matter how badly you may want to believe the truth, and regardless of how hard you try, your struggle, effort, and determination will not result in you coming to believe the truth in your heart. Although your motives are noble and your desire is genuine, you must be honest about the results of your efforts.

 

We need to honestly evaluate the outcomes of our efforts.

Again, revisit the God-designed indicators of belief. What feels true? What seems true? What appears to be true? What emotions are you feeling? What are you motivated to do? What do you feel resistant or hesitant to do? Your honest answers to these questions offer a reliable description of what you believe. If these indicators are unchanged after attempting to convince yourself of the truth, then what you are doing is not working.

You cannot gain God’s perspective by simply choosing to have it. He must grant it to you as a gift. This is revealed in Paul’s prayer in his letter to the Ephesians. After he declares fifteen verses of glorious truths related to who they are in Christ, he recognizes their need for God’s Spirit to open the eyes of their hearts and give them a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that they will believe. He writes,

[I] do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the boundless greatness of His power toward us who believe (Ephesians 1:16-19).

We need to honestly assess the fruit of our labor and humbly acknowledge our need for a better solution. We cannot choose to have God’s perspective and until we genuinely grasp this concept, we will continue our failed tradition of attempting to change what we believe through effort, determination, willpower, and choice either until the Lord returns or until we realize the futility of our actions.

We hope that you hear our hearts in this matter. For this is genuinely not a criticism of anyone’s motives. Every believer has an innate desire to know the truth at both a head and heart level. We were spiritually born for it! We each do the best that we can to come into His truth and perspective, but we must honestly evaluate our chosen tactics to see if they are actually working. If our current methods do not lead to genuine and lasting transformation in what we believe in our hearts, then we need to look for another strategy. Thankfully, as you will soon discover, God sent His Spirit to provide a better way!

 

We are persuaded by that which seems most trustworthy and authoritative.

We are persuaded to believe what we believe through experience. Thankfully though, we are not persuaded by everything we experience; if we were, our beliefs would shift and change every time we came across a new idea or perspective. But even the most gullible among us are only persuaded to believe certain things, at certain times, by certain people. In a very simple sense, we are persuaded by that which seems most persuasive.

For the most part, we intuitively recognize this reality. For instance, would you heed the advice of someone who seemed to have no grasp of what they were talking about? Of course not. And even if they seemed experienced and could provide reliable advice, if they also seemed to be lying, you will still not believe what they said. You must trust that they were being honest and believe that they have adequate authority in the matter before being persuaded of anything. Their opinion will only be persuasive if it seems to be both trustworthy and based upon relevant experience and expertise. We commonly refer to this principle as the “Trust and Authority” Principle.

To illustrate this principle, imagine that you are a judge in a bench trial who is tasked with hearing testimonies, considering evidence, and passing judgment. Essentially, you must evaluate what you see and hear to determine which side has presented the most compelling case and then rule in favor of whoever constructed the strongest argument and offered the most convincing evidence.

To properly fulfill your role, you must weigh the strength and credibility of the information that is provided. If the evidence and testimonies seem truthful, relevant, and authoritative, then you will likely be convinced that what they propose is true. But if the evidence seems unrelated or deceptive and the witnesses appear to be uninformed or lying, this casts doubt on the believability of their arguments. You would only be persuaded by that which seems both trustworthy and authoritative.

No matter how illogical, unlikely, or impossible something may seem to be, if the provided evidence seems reliable and conclusive while suggesting that it really happened, then you will be compelled to believe that it did happen. For example, we have all heard the stories of misguided criminals who get themselves into humorously improbable predicaments. They run out of gas shortly after stealing a car, get caught pawning stolen jewelry to a store managed by the person who was robbed, inadvertently lock themselves in a bank vault while attempting to steal from it, or unknowingly drop their ID at the scene of a crime. If such impossible stories are supported by convincing evidence, you will believe these tall tales.

Even things that you don’t want to believe will seem believable if supported by sufficient evidence. While presiding as judge, you may recoil at the gruesome brutality detailed in the prosecution’s case against the defendant, but if the evidence is convincing, then you will be convinced. You may wish to believe that no one would commit such abhorrent crimes, but if you are provided with enough compelling evidence, you will be persuaded to believe that they did. No matter how terrible or discouraging the accusations are, if they are supported by seemingly trustworthy and authoritative evidence, you will be compelled to rule in their favor.

We cannot stress enough the fact that you will be persuaded by the body of evidence that “seems” to hold authority and “appears” to be trustworthy; whether it actually “has authority” and “is trustworthy” is an entirely different matter. Even if the provided evidence was incomplete and only told part of the story or if the witness was simply a convincing liar, the legal consequences would tragically be the same as if that information was true. Your ruling is based upon the provided evidence, not the actual truth of what happened! If you believe the source of information “has authority” and if you know of no reason to distrust it, you will be persuaded to believe what you hear.

In the same way, our beliefs are based upon the most compelling “evidence” that has been presented to us thus far. Our experiences are like eyewitnesses in a courtroom who offer subjective accounts of what seems to be true. Their accounts might be thorough and accurate, but more often than not, they are limited and flawed. In either case, we will be persuaded to believe the most convincing explanation of what seemed to have happened and what that experience means.

If our most compelling experiences seem to indicate that we have value, then we will believe that we do. But if our experience seems to show our worthlessness, then our inner “judge” will be persuaded to believe that we have no worth. This is because our experiences serve as the basis for what we believe even when they fail to tell the whole story and offer perspectives that are flawed and untrue.

We may not want to believe everything we believe, but we will continue to believe it if the “evidence” suggests that it is true. You can’t choose to stop believing that you are worthless anymore than you can stop believing that two plus two equals four. Once you are persuaded of something, you will continue believing it until you are presented with stronger “evidence” that shows something else to be true.

This concept helps to explain the dynamic of “double-mindedness” as described in James’ epistle (see James 1:8, 4:8). When our intellectual understanding conflicts with the lessons we’ve learned through personal experience, we are double-minded. We may intellectually know what the Bible says, but if our experience testifies against what we have read and memorized, our first-hand eyewitness account will seem to hold more weight than even the words we find on the pages of Scripture.

You may be able to recite John 3:16, but if your experience thus far suggests that you are not loved by God, then this dissenting opinion will seem more persuasive, and the truth will not feel or seem true to you. You may genuinely want to believe that you are loved, but this desire has little-to-no impact on the evidence that has been presented in the courtroom of your heart. You obviously do not want to believe that you are unlovable, but if your experience testifies that you are, then this distorted self-perception will appear to be true.
We are perfectly capable of believing the truth with our heads while believing something contrary to it in our hearts. You may be able to quote 1 John 3:2 and intellectually believe that you are a “child of God” but still not feel as though you are part of God’s beloved family. You may be able to recite Jesus’ words, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20), but be unable to sense His closeness and even feel abandoned by Him. The Bible verse “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ” (Romans 8:1) may be your favorite verse in all of Scripture, but you will still feel condemned and rejected until you believe this truth in your heart.

In other words, just because you know of the truth does not mean that you also believe in the truth. You may genuinely want to believe it, you may even mistakenly try to believe the truth, but you will not believe it until you are persuaded that it is true.
This is not a bad thing; it simply means that you need stronger evidence. You need someone you can trust to offer you the truth and support it with evidence that holds a greater measure of authority than you currently possess. You need to experience something that is more convincing than that which convinced you of your current belief.

This concept was on full display in my very first TPM session. After exhausting all other options, I finally asked the Lord if He wanted to share something with the person sitting across from me. I fondly recall the woman sitting up, opening her eyes, excitedly announcing that the pain was gone, and exclaiming, “The Lord told me it wasn’t my fault! I am not there anymore!” I had told her these same truths countless times, and she already knew them in her head, but only the Lord, through His Holy Spirit, was able to persuade her heart to believe. The shift in her thinking was the result of the Lord’s divine persuasion.

God is working to accomplish this same work in each of our lives every day. He wants to convince our hearts of His perspective, and He desires for us to know the truth because we have experienced it. He wants our knowledge of Him to be based upon our experiences with Him. He doesn’t just want us to know about Him through reading and study. He wants us to know Him personally, deeply, and experientially. Intellectual knowledge is vitally important, and we should diligently study the Scriptures to grow in our understanding of His word but, as with Job, God wants us to move from simply “hearing” about Him to “seeing” Him (Job 42:5). This shift in belief results only from a personal encounter with Him. Only He can persuade our hearts of His perspective.

BONUS MATERIAL (x2):

We will continue to believe what we currently believe until we have been persuaded to believe something else.

This concept of persuasion explains why we believe what we currently believe, but it also defines the parameters that must be met in order for our beliefs to be changed. Once you have been persuaded of something, your beliefs do not change until you are presented with a differing opinion that is supported by stronger evidence; one that seems to be more trustworthy and holds more authority than your own. In other words, your perspective will not change until you are persuaded that someone else’s perspective is more accurate than your current understanding.

For an example of this, consider the following scenarios:

Lindsay was shopping for a new fish bowl for her beloved pet, Gill. She had narrowed her search down to two options, a round one and a square one. They seemed to be nearly equivalent both in quality and in price. She scrolled through the reviews of each item to help her determine which one to select. The reviews of the round fish bowl seemed mostly positive, and she didn’t notice any unwanted surprises. But when she saw that the square bowl had nearly twice as many five-star reviews, the choice seemed obvious. However, upon further investigation, she realized that nearly all of the square bowl’s high ratings came from people who were paid to review the product or are themselves employed by the company that produces it. Realizing this potential conflict of interest, Lindsay decided to buy the round fish bowl for Gill.

Pete’s video conference call was suddenly interrupted by the screaming sound of some kind of siren. “What’s that noise?” asked the others on the call. “A smoke alarm is going off in the room across the hall. It’s fine though, I was told by management that they were going to be testing the new fire suppression equipment at some point today,” Pete responded. “Oh, ok. Then can we get back to business?” inquired a voice from the computer. “Of course,” he replied. But then Pete noticed the smell of smoke and could see an orange glow in the hallway. He stood up from his chair, “Um, actually, I think I’m going to have to call you back!”

Debbie received an unsolicited email from someone named Reverend Zimbolo who claimed to be a “pastor” in a third world country. He described the perilous times he and his church were facing under the hands of ruthless persecutors. He sounded genuine and sprinkled Bible verses throughout his message. Towards the end of his email, Reverend Zimbolo asked Debbie to pray for his church and consider helping her suffering spiritual siblings by giving a meager financial donation. He was not asking for much but gave specific instructions to send her support in the form of gift cards from a short list of retail stores. Debbie was initially surprised to hear that these particular “high end” stores were located in the country in which he lived, but she dismissed this concern and mailed him the cards as quickly as she could. She felt good about being able to help her brothers and sisters from across the globe. A week later, however, her suspicions were raised when the beloved pastor sent her another email asking for additional funds. This time his tone seemed even more urgent and strained. Debbie felt uneasy about the whole ordeal. After a bit of research, she discovered an online forum of people who had been tricked by the same “pastor” into giving their money away just as she had done. Their testimonies convinced her that she had been duped by his deceptive scheme.

In each of these scenarios, the person went from believing one thing to being convinced of something else. They were initially convinced that something was true, but when they discovered that their source of information was either ill-informed or outright deceptive, they came to believe something else. They were automatically and instantaneously convinced of whatever “perspective” seemed most trustworthy and authoritative.

Lindsay almost ordered the item with the most reviews before realizing that the rating was likely biased and inauthentic. Pete’s belief that the alarm was part of a drill was based upon the trusted words of his bosses, but when his own senses seemed to contradict what he was told, he felt inclined to exit the building. Until Debbie was convinced by the online testimonies of others who had similar experiences, she believed that she was helping a fellow believer in need.

None of these individuals chose to change their beliefs. Their beliefs were automatically changed when they were presented with a more persuasive source of information. As soon as both requirements of the “Trust and Authority Principle” were met, their beliefs changed.

We will remain convinced of what we currently believe to be true until we are persuaded of a different opinion. But we will only be persuaded if this new perspective seems to be supported by stronger evidence than we currently possess. If it does, we will not have to “choose” or “try” to believe differently, we will automatically and effortlessly be persuaded.

This is both good news and bad news. The bad news is that no matter how hard we try, our beliefs will not change until we are convinced of a new perspective. The good news is that if we are persuaded of the truth by someone who is more trustworthy and holds more authority than anyone else, it is impossible for us to be deceived out of believing this truth, considering that we have been persuaded by the strongest “evidence” that is available. As we will discuss shortly, this is exactly what the Holy Spirit was sent to accomplish!

The truth is still the truth regardless of what you believe.

It is important to remember that your perceptions, emotions, and behaviors can not be trusted to accurately or reliably describe that which is actually true (at all, ever). The truth is the truth regardless of what you believe, which also means that the truth is the truth regardless of your perspective, your feelings, or the choices you make. Just because something seems true, feels true, appears to be true, and is motivating your behavior, does not mean that it is true; it just means that you believe it to be true. The truth is one thing, but your beliefs, perceptions, emotions, and behaviors are something else entirely. Your belief may occasionally reflect reality, but the two are entirely independent of each other.

For example, God loves you so much that He sent His Son to take the brutal punishment that you deserved (John 3:16, Romans 6:23). This fact is true regardless of what you think, perceive, feel, or do. The truth is the truth. If the reality of Christ’s selfless sacrifice doesn’t seem, feel, or appear to be true in your life, this indicates that you do not yet fully believe it to be true. Your beliefs do not affect the truth, but they have an enormous impact on your experience of it. The truth will not fully feel or seem true to you until you fully believe that it is.

In response to this, some may feel compelled to try focusing on the truth by ignoring their perceptions, emotions, or behaviors. But those who employ this strategy unknowingly undermine God’s design and intention. Rather than ignoring what we perceive, feel, and do, we should pay close attention to them, understanding that they often indicate what we believe more accurately than we care to admit. Again, they cannot be trusted to accurately depict the truth, but they can absolutely be trusted to express what you believe. Because of this, rather than ignoring or vilifying the outcomes of what we believe, we should honestly assess them to determine whether we are walking in truth or need God’s perspective.