“WHY CAN GRIEF, REGRET, DISAPPOINTMENT, OR ANGER CONTINUE LONG AFTER THE ORIGINAL PAINFUL EVENT IS OVER?”

Detailed Answer:

from Chapter 5, Part 6

 We will be burdened by our “truth-based pain” until we believe in our “hearts” that God is carrying it for us.

Unless we realize the reality that God is bearing the weight of our emotional burdens, we will continue trying to carry them ourselves. Consider the following:

A traveling merchant was driving his horse-drawn cart to a neighboring town. On his way he encountered a man who was walking on the side of the road. The man was obviously struggling due to the large bag on his back. It seemed as though every step was a challenge for him. The merchant pulled the reins to slow his horse and stopped the cart next to the weary traveler. “It looks like you could use some help.” the merchant exclaimed. “Yes, indeed. I’m not sure how much further I can walk before I’ll need to take another rest!” the man desperately replied. Feeling compassion for the man, the merchant asked, “Why don’t you climb into the back of my cart? My horse is strong and can easily handle the extra weight.” The man gratefully accepted the offer and climbed onto the cart. “Thank you, sir, I am on my way home after attending my uncle’s funeral. Before I left, my widowed aunt gave me the wood-working tools that my uncle used in his shop. And although I genuinely appreciated her thoughtfulness, my uncle’s tools are quite heavy. Since the gift was unexpected, I was not prepared to travel with such a load. It is almost more than I can bear.” Just then, the merchant noticed that the man had not yet removed the pack from his back and replied, “Thankfully though, you can now rest! Feel free to place your pack anywhere.” “Oh, no!” the man replied, “I am genuinely grateful for your offer to let me ride in your cart. I wouldn’t dare ask for you to bear my burden as well!”

Much like this weary traveler, if we fail to realize that our “burdens” are already being carried, we will continue attempting to carry them ourselves. The weight of our truth-based problems, as well as the problems themselves, are already in God’s possession. He is presently addressing the problems and bearing their full weight! But if we fail to realize this reality or have been convinced that we must bear them ourselves, it will seem as though we have no option but to contend with our sadness, grief, regret, disappointment, and anger.

 We may rightly perceive our situation, but if we fail to see God’s involvement, our truth-based problems will appear to go unsolved, and we will feel some measure of truth-based pain. And we will continue to carry these burdens until our perspectives are expanded, enabling us to see the “big picture.” There is undoubtedly a time for “weeping with those who weep” (Romans 12:15), but until we see that Jesus bears our burdens (Isaiah 53:4), it will seem as though we have no choice but to struggle under their weight.

 We are not somehow suggesting that our grief and sorrows are unwarranted or inappropriate; for the exact opposite is true! We should feel grieved when we lose a loved one. We should feel sad when tragedy strikes. We should feel angry at the sight of genuine injustice. However, we are also suggesting that these emotions only persist due to our lack of an eternal perspective.

 Again, we draw your attention back to the cross. The ridicule, torture, and murder of our Saviour was grievous indeed! In fact, our imagined picture of His torment likely comes nowhere close to the graphic and heart-wrenching nature of the truth! He suffered greatly and died a gruesome death. This was true then and will remain true for all eternity, and the appropriate response to discovering this truth is to feel truth-based pain.

 How do we find relief from our grief? How did the disciples find relief from theirs? For they too were grieved at Christ’s crucifixion. Their burdens were not lifted from their shoulders because a certain amount of time had passed. Nor did they find freedom because they somehow processed through their grief or gave their sadness to God. They did not need to do or give-up something; they needed to receive and perceive something. They needed God to give them an eternal perspective of the truth that God the Father was in control, that He had a plan for redemption, and Christ’s death was its foundation. Only when they perceived these greater truths did they find relief from their truth-based pain.

 It was (and is) still true that Jesus died, and His death was truly cruel and unjust, but this is only part of the story. In the same way, when we are made aware of truly tragic situations, we only perceive a portion of the truth. We need His greater perspective. We need to be convinced of His involvement, purpose, and plan. We must come to realize that our Heavenly Father can handle our problems, no matter how big or painful they are. When we can view the loss, disappointment, or injustice from His eternal perspective, we will find relief from the truth-based pain that they cause knowing that He is bearing our burdens. Because the weight is on His shoulders, it doesn’t also need to be on ours.

We need to trust in God’s solutions to our “truth-based problems.”

 When you become aware of a painful truth, you will bear the burden of truth-based pain until you are made aware of a greater or additional truth which is God’s fuller and complete perspective. For example, there was a swing in our backyard that our grandchildren loved. On one of their birthdays, I wanted to surprise them with something special. I built a small zipline for them and was planning on using their beloved swing as the seat they would ride on. But when my oldest granddaughter (who was 6 years old at the time) witnessed me taking down the swing, she panicked! “Stop!” she shouted, “We love that swing!” I could see the confusion and horror in her eyes. “Just trust me, Ruby.” I reassured her. “No, stop! Put it back up! Please, Papa!” She saw what I was doing but didn’t understand why it was happening. She lacked perspective. Yes, I was taking down their swing. If that was all that was happening, I suppose she had a right to feel offended and robbed. However, this was not the whole story. She only saw a small portion of the truth.

 I tried to encourage her by explaining that a zipline would be even more fun than a swing. This only upset her more as she protested, “But Papa, we don’t have a zipline! And now we don’t even have a swing!” She begrudgingly followed me to the cable that I had hung between two large trees. And as soon as I attached the swing to the zipline, she realized the value of her new ride, and her grumbles and tears turned to shouts of joy. She realized why I had taken down their swing. She was able to see the big picture. The reality of the swing being removed was painful when that was all she could perceive. But when that truth was coupled with the greater truth of the zipline, the burden was lifted off her shoulders.

 Likewise, when we are able to rightly see God’s plan and involvement in relation to our truth-based problems, we will rejoice in our suffering. As Paul said, “We also celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:3-5). Paul knew that he could celebrate in his suffering because he viewed it from a heavenly perspective. He knew that the tribulations, no matter how painful, had a purpose and were being used by God to accomplish His plan. And he encourages us to have the same perspective so that we will join him in celebration!

 When our hearts are convinced that God has a plan to solve our truth-based problems, we will rejoice and celebrate too. We can continue to weep until we enter into eternity, where we will have our tears wiped away (see Revelation 21:4), or we can look to God and become convinced of His perspective, so that we can begin celebrating now!

The reason so many people wait until heaven to have their tears wiped away is because they lack a heavenly perspective. They hold the portion of truth which is grievous, sorrowful, disappointing, and regretful, but they lack the rest of the truth that would cause them to rejoice. They realize the truth that their “swing set” has been dismantled, but they lack the greater truth that it was taken apart in order to construct a heavenly “zipline!” The moment they are convinced of this reality, their tears will dry up and their joy will be made full.

When we enter Heaven, all our tears will be wiped away. However, we do not have to wait until then to gain a Heavenly perspective. Our tears flow today because we do not yet see through His eyes. If the Holy Spirit gives us His perspective now, we can begin rejoicing on this side of glory.

Our truth-based pain is resolved when we realize greater or additional truths.

 On multiple occasions, Jesus offered additional or greater truths to those who were struggling with truth-based pain (just as I attempted to comfort my granddaughter regarding her swing). He provided an eternal context and expressed God’s motivation behind what was happening. He did this with Peter as He was being arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane when He said, “Put your sword back into its place; for all those who take up the sword will perish by the sword. Or do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once put at My disposal more than twelve legions of angels? How then would the Scriptures be fulfilled, which say that it must happen this way?” (Matthew 26:52-54). Peter was reacting to his limited perspective of the situation. He missed the big picture. He failed to put the immediate moment in its proper eternal context. Jesus attempted to expand Peter’s perception so that he might see His Heavenly Father’s involvement.

 Another simple example of this was when his disciples were troubled by the fact that Jesus would be physically leaving them, and He further explained the necessity for His absence (John 16: 5-15), described His purpose in leaving (John 14:2-3), and promised His eventual return (John 14:18-20, 28). Each of these additional truths, if believed in the heart, offered comfort and confidence to the otherwise sorrowful truth of Jesus’ physical departure.

 If it wasn’t for the eternal context and explanations that these additional truths provided, the reality of Jesus leaving would have been nothing but sorrowful. Jesus realized as much when He said, “But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart” (John 16:6). His disciples needed to know that Jesus was leaving, but they also needed to know the rest of the story. They needed to see the big picture. When we only perceive part of the truth, we are left with painful truth-based problems. And freedom only comes when we are convinced of a greater truth in our hearts.

 To take it a step further, consider the disciples’ perspectives as they helplessly witnessed Jesus’ crucifixion. They personally saw the truth of Christ’s death. They knew in their hearts that He had been killed. This was the truth, and it was utterly devastating! Thankfully, as we all now know, this single truth does not tell the whole story. It is a singular thread in a great tapestry that is being woven by a loving and omniscient Creator. But because of their limited perspective, Jesus’ disciples could not yet perceive the big picture, and they were left with truth-based pain and desperate questions.

 We find ourselves in a similar state when we are confronted with truth-based problems but are unable to clearly see God’s involvement. But just as the disciples’ grief and bewilderment turned into joy at the recognition of their risen Savior (Luke 24:52-53), our truth-based pain is resolved when we realize greater or additional truths regarding our perceived problem. The reality of Christ’s death remains true, but the greater truth of His resurrected life offers the eternal context from which we can rightly interpret His sacrifice. Likewise, when we are able to see God’s purpose, plan, and involvement in our lives, we will more rightly perceive our situation.

 Truth-based problems such as “tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword,” (Romans 8:35) may still be present in our lives, but the fact that “all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:37) brings undeniable comfort, security, and purpose to our situation. You may still be persecuted, naked, and hungry, but if you are able to see the bigger picture and know that nothing can “separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:39), then you can still rejoice in your suffering (Romans 5:3). Truth-based emotions are produced by the truth but continue due to our lack of perspective. Once we see the bigger picture, that truth will set us free from our truth-based pain.

 All of this should also further encourage you to begin viewing your emotional pain as an honest friend, rather than a cruel enemy. It indicates what you believe in your heart. Even when your perspective is accurate, it is also often limited. When this is the case, your emotional reaction is not reflective of the whole truth of your identity, your situation, and God’s involvement in your life. You are in need of a “greater” or “additional” truth to expand your perspective. The truth-based pain we feel is an indication that we are operating from a limited perspective. But if you know what to do in response, you can come into a deeper understanding of the truth and gain eternal benefit (Hebrews 12:11). Here again, this is by God’s design and is good.

 God’s perspective provides peace and relief.

 When confronted with truth-based problems, we need to see that God is in control and realize that nothing can thwart His plan. Like the disciples who were huddled together in bewildered confusion after Jesus was crucified, we must come to understand that Our Heavenly Father is accomplishing a good work in our lives no matter how tragic or futile our current situation seems. When we are able to view our situation from His perspective, we will realize that He “causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

 Knowing a greater truth may not get you your job back, or allow you to travel back in time to correct past mistakes, or bring a loved one back to life, but it does offer the eternal context that is needed to rightly understand what has happened. Just as Christ’s resurrection provides context, comfort, and purpose to His tragic death, knowing the greater truth regarding our truth-based problems allows us to see the whole truth of what is happening. When we are able to perceive and accept God’s solutions to our problems, we are able to genuinely have “peace in every circumstance” (2 Thessalonians 3:16).

 Recognizing God’s motive and involvement provides the relief, assurance, and rest that we all desperately need. Someday soon, we will finally be able to see the big picture in all its magnificence from an eternal perspective, every tear will be wiped away, and “there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” (Revelation 21:4). Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

BONUS MATERIAL:

The death of my child was a “truth-based problem.”

 One of the most burdensome examples of truth-based problems that my wife and I have experienced was the loss of our little girl. Sarah Michelle was a few days shy of her first birthday when she died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. We were devastated and experienced what seemed to be unbearable grief. Some well-meaning supporters warned that we would never fully “get over” the loss of a child. Thankfully, this was not true.

 Over the course of several ministry sessions, my wife and I were each convinced of several important truths that resolved the pain of our loss. Now, when we think about Sarah, we only feel His joy and peace. The grief we felt was real, crippling, and appropriate for a time, but we are no longer carrying it. The fact that our daughter died was and is sad, but today we are no longer bearing that burden. When we were able to see her death from God’s perspective, we were completely released of this heavy load. We will not see Sarah again until eternity, but the grief, sorrow, and loss are no longer on our shoulders.

 When faced with a truth-based problem (such as being fired from your job, being falsely accused, getting betrayed by a friend, losing a loved one, etc.), we will feel some measure of truth-based pain. This pain is the result of our perspective of the situation, but our perspective is limited. We cannot rightly see all that is going on. The greater truth is that God is involved in more ways than we can possibly imagine.