Solution Series Part 3: The Solution Box Questions

by | May 25, 2016 | Process: Level Two, Supplemental Training | 2 comments

The Art of Identifying the Solution

068158922-stopping-domino-effect-conceptAs we have discovered, solutions can show up in many different ways and at any time during a ministry session. The person’s emotions can subside, no memory come to mind, multifarious distractions, anger, and etc. The difficult part a ministry facilitator may face when dealing with a person’s “solution” behavior is rightly identifying it when it occurs. A common mistake of novice facilitators is not realizing when the person has engaged a solution; causing the session to stall out. When a person is operating from a solution and if it is not identified and resolved, the session will not move forward.

I am confident that this is the area where most facilitators encounter trouble in session whether they know it or not. A tell-tale sign of a solution afoot is when the person seems stuck, and the session stalls. This is typically where the facilitator is also triggered. The ministry facilitator will have to learn the “art” of identifying a solution. This skill will come with time, training, and practice.

Going on the Attack

It is an expected thing for a session to stall out, shut down and “nothing” to happen. Solutions are common to all people. Solutions are how we attempt to fix our problems. When a solution shows up during a ministry session, some ministry facilitators are tempted to “go on the attack” and do something to break up the “log jam.” When they do this, they have assigned the person to a victim status that is in need of rescue. This commonly happens when the person receiving ministry reports some manner of demonic interference.

Demonized people are often viewed as victims of the devil needing to be rescued. The truth is, demons cannot interfere in this ministry process unless it is operating within the will and cooperation of the person. So, when you are combating the demon, you are also combating the person’s own belief and choice at some level. Rather than viewing the demon as something the person is a victim of, in TPM we view it’s presence as a form of a solution that is providing the person a way of escape. The devil is more than happy to provide us with a short-sighted solution to our lie-based emotional pain.

 

The ministry facilitator needs to be on constant alert for potential solutions.
Solutions can show up in any of the five boxes. In the EMOTION box they simply may not feel anything or no memory will come to mind. In the MEMORY box they may “becoming invisible or frozen.” They may describe going to a dark place, safe place or “outside to play on their swing set.” Sometimes they express a vow made at the time of the event. A sign that a solution has been engaged when working through a memory is how the person’s emotion changes. If the person’s negative emotion becomes positive, powerful, in control, or just goes away, then probably a solution is being used.

You probably won’t find any solutions in the BELIEF box since it is just a clarification of the belief reported. However, when asking the Lord for His perspective of things while in the TRUTH box solutions can be present. You might discover solutions such as, “I cannot hear anything.”  and “Jesus won’t talk to me.” You might ask, how are these statements solutions? If the person believes that hearing from the Lord might put them in a bad place –like the memory might be true or Jesus might condemn him too– then hearing from Jesus would present a problem that would need to be solved.  A good way to do this is not be able to hear from the Lord. The solution might be to “not listen.” The same sort of solutions can show up in the TRANSFORMATION box. The point is, solutions are everywhere. Be on guard and  alert.

When you are working through the process and you notice that the session has stalled out, start looking for the reason why.  At some point you will become hyper-vigilant and solutions will scream out at you as you go.  It really will become second nature at some point.

The three questions in the SOLUTION Box are designed to help us identify the belief that is behind the solution behavior. The first question identifies the presence of a problem by identifying the presence of a “solution.” The second question is designed to identify the perceived problem. And the third question reveals the belief that is supporting the solution behavior.

 

First Question

“Do you sense any resistance or hesitancy at the thought of (doing the opposite of the solution/behavior)?”

If I believed that my behavior was preventing an unwanted outcome, I would be resistant or hesitant at the thought of changing my behavior. Here is an example of what it might look like when the solution is the suppression of emotion; “Do you sense any resistance or hesitancy to allowing yourself to feel what you were feeling?” Or “Do you sense any resistance or hesitancy to let your emotions return?” Or if the suppression occurred while looking at the memory he might ask, “Do you sense any resistance or hesitancy to allowing yourself to feel what you were feeling when that happened?” How you word the second part of the question is totally dependent upon the context and what the person has provded.

You are Not Asking the Person to Do Anything.

It is important that you help the person to understand that you are NOT asking him to do anything, or to stop doing something. You are not asking him to try to remember, feel something, or let anything go. The only thing that you are asking is if he senses any resistance or hesitancy at the thought of doing or not doing something. “Do you sense any hesitancy or resistance at the thought of…” Or, “If you were to consider allowing yourself to feel what you were feeling do you sense any resistance or hesitancy to do so?” Both renditions of these questions are ways of saying the same thing. If a person is engaged in a solution and asked to consider letting it go, he will feel some manner of hesitation or resistance. If the person says something like, “I am trying to ________, but I can’t…” then he does not understand what you are asking. Answering this question requires no effort. He should just be looking for the presence of resistance or hesitation. If he is struggling to answer, or if he reports that he will “try” to do something in response to your question, then he is misinterpreting the question. Should this occur you will need to take some time to explain the question and what you are asking.

Where there is a solution in play, there is always hesitation and resistance.

If the person says that he does not feel any resistance or hesitancy to stop or start doing what you have asked him to consider, and yet the resistant/hesitant behavior is still present, then he does not understand what you are asking. If his emotions have suppressed, then he has suppressed them. If he is connected to his emotion and no memory has come to mind, then he is choosing not to remember. This means that he believes something about feeling or remembering that has caused him to suppress or not remember. If he says that he does not sense any resistance and yet cannot feel or remember, then he does not understand what you are asking, and he is not looking for the right thing. Sometimes it requires a little time and effort to help the person understand what you are asking. If there is a solution in play, then there will also be some manner of resistance and hesitation to not do it. This is true for all solutions and not just feeling or remembering. The person needs to understand the difference between “will” and “desire.”

 

Not Changing Behavior

Our goal is not to change behavior (to get them to do something or stop doing something), but rather, it is to identify the beliefs that are determining the ministry recipient’s behavior. This first question is designed to uncover the fact that he is resisting something which is an indication of belief.

For example, if I believe that there is someone outside with a big gun ready to shoot me and you ask me to consider going outside, I will resist the idea. The reason that I resist is because I believe that I might be hurt or even die if I do what you are asking me, and by staying where I am, I will remain safe from that potential danger. If I allow myself to consider going outside, a resistance and a hesitation will stir up within me. This is what we are looking for. We are not trying to get the person to “go outside,” feel, remember, or let go of something, we are only looking for the resistance and hesitation that stirs up at the thought of doing so.

Ongoing Orientation is a Part of the Process

If they are ever “unable” to move forward in the session, it is because of their own belief and subsequent choosing. But this is good news! It means that nothing can keep us from the truth and freedom that God has for us! However, it also requires that each of us take ownership of our own mind-renewing journey. If the recipient claims that he or she “wants to move forward” or “feels no resistance to moving forward” and yet are “unable” to move forward, then some further orientation will be necessary. They need to understand the belief and choice principle, the difference between “will” and “desire,” as well as understand what we refer to as “resistance and hesitancy,” or else this lack of understanding will hinder progress.  Remember, like believing a lie, ignorance of the truth can interfere with the process. Take time to orient the ministry recipient about these principles.

 

 

The First Question in the Solution Box

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Second Question

“What do you believe would happen if you were to  (do the opposite of the solution/behavior) that is causing you to hesitate or resist doing so?” Alternate wording: “What do you believe might happen if you were to (do the opposite of the solution/behavior)?”

Examples:“What do you believe might happen if you were to “…let your anger go?” “…allow yourself to feel?”  “… choose to remember…” “… stop opening your eyes? —that is causing you to hesitate or resist doing so?”

This second question has two versions; one short and one longer.  The shorter version is used when working with ministry recipients who are familiar with the process and questions. Whereas, experience has taught us to ask the longer version with new comers to TPM until they are orientated to the ministry process.  Adding the phrase “… that causes you to hesitate or resist …” to the question brings clarification as to what is actually being asked. It is stated in this way so that the person is not tempted to give the “right and spiritual” answer to the question.

This question is designed to help expose the “problem” that the ministry recipient is seeking to resolve with his or her solution/behavior (such as suppression of emotion, not remembering, being angry, zoning out, rambling, opening their eyes, etc.). It helps the ministry recipient move one step closer to the reason (belief) for why they are doing what they are doing.  For example, if a person feels anger (a solution) this question might look something like, What do you believe might happen if you were to let your anger go that causes you to hesitate or resist doing so?”

Possible responses to this question include, “If I let my anger go, he will get by with what he did to me,” or “if I connect with my emotions, it will be overwhelming,” or “if I remember what happened, it will ruin the relationship I have with that person,” etc. Although this question does not typically expose the belief that is motivating the solution/behavior, it does help explain why the solution/behavior is needed. (i.e. “he will get away with what he did,” “I’ll be left unprotected,” “I’ll get hurt again,” “It will be too much,” etc.)

After a person has had a few sessions and provided good ongoing teaching and orientation, all of the questions will make sense and the person will know what is being asked. Once the person understands what you are asking when you use this question, it can be reduced down to the shorter version.

Once the perceived problem has been exposed you are ready to ask the third question.

 

The Second Question in the Solution Box

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If you have a downloaded copy of this video, you can view it without needing to be connected to the internet. This can very beneficial if your internet connection is slow, if you are traveling to a location where accessing the internet may not be possible, or if you would like to reduce your cellular data usage while viewing these videos “on-the-go.”

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Third Question

“So then, the reason for (doing the solution/behavior) is what?”  or “How is (the solution) benefiting or serving you?”

This question helps to identify why the ministry recipient is choosing to carry out the particular solution/behavior. Their answer to this question is the “reason,” or the belief, behind why they are doing what they are doing. The person may hold onto anger because he believes “It keeps me safe” or “it holds the person who hurt me accountable.” He may refuse to look at the memory of what happened because he believes, “denying what happened protects me from the pain.” He may suppress his emotions because he believes, “Being numb is better than being in pain.” The ministry recipient is engaged in the solution/behavior because he or she believes lies about his situation. After identifying the lie-based belief, the person is  much closer to offering it up to the Lord and receiving His truth and perspective.

When the belief has been identified the session moves automatically into the BELIEF box. In this box the facilitator asks the base-line question, “Not is it true, but does it feel true that… [their belief]?”  After asking this question the facilitator simply follows protocol:  BELIEF to TRUTH to TRANSFORMATION.

 

Third Question in the Solution Box

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If you have a downloaded copy of this video, you can view it without needing to be connected to the internet. This can very beneficial if your internet connection is slow, if you are traveling to a location where accessing the internet may not be possible, or if you would like to reduce your cellular data usage while viewing these videos “on-the-go.”

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What if the Questions don’t seem to work?

What should we do when the questions do not appear to work as they should?  There is always a reason for everything. Belief and choice principle is always at play. These videos will look at some of the more common issues you might encounter.

 

When the Solution Questions Don’t Seem to Work

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If you have a downloaded copy of this video, you can view it without needing to be connected to the internet. This can very beneficial if your internet connection is slow, if you are traveling to a location where accessing the internet may not be possible, or if you would like to reduce your cellular data usage while viewing these videos “on-the-go.”

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The Problem with Only Addressing Solution Behaviors

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