Truth-based Pain: Principles and Protocol – Part 2
- Determine why the person is attempting to carry his burden. – Three typical reasons.
– He is still in the “Time for Weeping” stage of his journey.
– He is ignorant of the truth.
– He believes something contrary to the truth that is keeping them from embracing the truth they intellectually know.
- Ask the EMOTION Box Questions to help determine if the emotion is truth-based or not.
- identify any lie-based beliefs that would hinder them from “letting-go” of trying to carry their burden.
- Use the Solution Box Questions to Identify their Solution Belief.
– The first question in the SOLUTION Box invites the person to acknowledge the fact that they are trying to carry their own burden by asking, “Do you sense any resistance or hesitancy at the thought of… [letting-go of, to stop trying to carry, releasing this burden] and allowing the Lord to carry it?”
– The second question exposes the perceived problem that demands holding on to the burden. “What do you believe would happen if you were to let go of _____________ that causes you to resist or hesitate?”
– The third question helps to identify the belief holding the solution in place, “So then, what is the reason for holding on to ______________?”
- If they report a belief, then you are now in the BELIEF Box and should follow protocol for this place.
- Once any and all lie-based reasons for “holding on to” the burden have been addressed and dispelled, the person should have no struggle in “letting-go” of his “truth-based” burden.
Step by Step Procedure
We must be sensitive and patient with the person who is carrying truth-based emotion. Here is where “speaking the truth in love” comes into play. It is true that the Lord carries our burdens, but until the Holy Spirit grants the person this perspective, our telling them the truth may be rejected and even cause them to feel worse. There is a time to “… weep with those who weep.” (Rom. 12:15) It is not a good idea to quickly tell a grieving mother who has just received the news of her military son being killed in combat, that the Lord is bearing her burden. After her time of weeping, she may be ready to receive the truth, but until she is, we should weep with her. However, if a mother is still grieving the lost of her son after twenty years have past, something is wrong.
We can learn from Job’s friends (who actually did very little correctly), but who did well when they simply sat down with Job for many days and never even opened their mouths. The story says that “… they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great.” (Job 2:13)
It wasn’t until they opened their mouths that things went badly. Sometimes we rush in and proclaim (what we believe to be) the truth because the other person’s pain is making us feel bad and we want to make their pain go away so that we can feel better ourselves. This is not speaking the truth in love. This is manipulation in pain. Sometimes our own pain drives us to try to get people to do what we want them to do.
Determine why the person is trying to carry his own “burden”
The first step in addressing truth-based pain –assuming that we are relatively certain that we have identified it– is to determine why the person is attempting to carry his burden. There are three possible reasons that a person might do this; 1) the person is still in the “time for weeping” stage of his burden. 2) The person is ignorant of the truth that Jesus is already carrying it. 3) The person believes a lie about his need to carry it himself. It is important that we help the person to identify their reason.
If the person has experienced a recent loss or difficulty then the first order of the day is to be sensitive, gracious and kind. This is where we “weep with those who weep.” The second reason for holding onto our burdens –ignorance of the truth– is probably more rare than the last. Most people have heard the Isaiah passage declaring that the Lord has borne their grief and sorrows; however, many have not understood it or experienced it. When we share this truth with them, doing so will help to determine if ignorance of the truth is the problem or not.
Supply the person with the truth. “Surely He has borne our griefs and our sorrows…”
To determine if the reason the person is holding his truth-based burden is because of ignorance of the truth, then the facilitator only has to provide the person with this truth by speaking the Bible passage from Isaiah 53:4 that says, “Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried …” If he hears it and is able to receive it in faith, he will release the burden without any effort. So then, if the person does not believe a lie about needing to carry his own burden, hearing this truth will be all that is needed for him to stop trying to bear it himself. Keep in mind that this is a rarity and seldom proves to be the case. More often than not, a person will intellectually know the truth of Isaiah 53:4, but yet not hold it in their heart.
There is also the possibility that he is ignorant of the truth, but also has a lie-based reason for holding on to it. There are many people who may not have heard that Jesus is presently carrying their burden, but they also believe lies about letting it go and ceasing from their efforts. But it is possible that once the person is made aware of the truth that “Jesus carries our burdens,” he may find himself released to rest in that truth. When this is the case you will typically witness a physical release; a deep sign, a release, and some measure of joy and peace. Either way, this is the place to start to clear up the matter of the person not knowing the biblical truth that Jesus has made provision.
Let me take a pause here to clarify something that I just stated. For those who have been practicing TPM for some time, you may have been baffled by me saying that we could speak a truth to a person and transformation could follow. It is true that only the Holy Spirit can make a lie stop feeling true by replacing it with His truth. No one and not even myself can talk me out of a lie-based core belief that I harbor. It requires God to bring this about. But there are rare moments where my speaking the truth brings about heart change in people. We see this occasionally during some preaching services, during a Bible study and even when we study the Scriptures on our own. However there are special conditions that must be met for this to occur.
Read again what I just said, “If the person does not believe a lie about needing to carry his own burden, hearing this truth may be all that is needed for him to stop trying himself.” The reason that there are times when we are able to speak the truth and it be received and bring about transformation, is that, there are no lie-based core beliefs already in place keeping the truth from being received.
However, if a person believes a lie that is contrary to a specific truth, then he will not be able to receive it apart from the Lord’s intervention. If the person already believes a lie about carrying his burden, then he will need to be “persuaded” to stop and allow the Lord to carry it. We cannot persuade a person to stop believing a lie-based heart belief. However, if they are not already believing a lie that is contrary to the truth, we can proclaim to them the truth and they may receive it.
It is basically easy to correct a person’s faulty intellectual belief by simply supplying him with new and reliable information (see the Trust and Authority Principle). However, if a person believes a lie at the core level (heart belief) then no one (including the person himself) can talk him out of it. Only the Holy Spirit can renew the mind at the heart level where a lie is already harbored. However, if there is no lie occupying the “space” and the truth is given, a person may believe it.
Maybe an analogy will help. Think of filling a cup with water. If there is nothing in the cup then there is no problem in filling it. However, if the cup is already filled with mud, the water splashes off the mud and cannot fill the cup. When a person already possesses a belief, then a new belief will “splash” off when it is offered. Only the Holy Spirit can wash out the mud and then fill the cup. If a person is ignorant of the truth that Jesus is carrying his burdens, and if he does not possess a belief that he has to carry the load himself, or that he needs to hold on to it for some reason, then he may easily receive the truth. If there is no “mud” in his cup, he can receive the water.
Let me clarify what I said earlier about transformation occurring in a preaching service or when the truth is spoken. Of course, the Holy Spirit is involved whenever this takes place. It is still wholly a work of God. A person may even be holding a lie and yet the Holy Spirit can take a word spoken by someone and use it to expose the false belief and replace it with His perspective. God is certainly not limited to TPM to accomplish mind renewal.
NOTE: In the context of parenting, we have the opportunity to fill the cups of our children before the enemy fills them with mud. However, if we arrive on the scene too late, we will need to identify the “mud” in their life and ask the Lord to do only what He can do for them. Different times along the way in raising my children, I had the opportunity and privilege to pour the truth into my children’s lives where there was no “mud.” There were also many times in which I was the very one putting “mud” in their little cups. However, the Lord was available and faithful to clean out what was there and refill it with His truth.
My only point here is this, if there are no lie-based beliefs causing the person to hold onto his truth-based emotion, receiving the spoken truth may be all that is needed for him to enter into the Lord’s rest. The bottom line is, if this is all that is needed, then this will happen; if he is unable to stop trying to carry the truth-based pain, then there is a lie- based belief at play.
Know what “BOX” you are in
If after sharing the truth of Isaiah, the person appears to have heard and understood what you have spoken (not necessarily believed), you are now in the EMOTION Box. Here you will ask the first EMOTION Box question, “What are you feeling now?” If they say that the truth-based emotion has lifted, then you should look at the clock to see if you have time to proceed.
However, if the person harbors a lie-based reason for holding onto his burden, even though he has intellectually heard and understood the truth, transformation will not occur and the weight of his burden will remain. If this is the case, they will say that they still feel their assumed to be “truth-based” emotion. This indicates that a lie-based belief is in place hindering them from letting go and not allowing them to stop carrying their “truth based” pain. It is also possible that the emotion they feel is not truth-based and actually lie-based.
The next step is to identify any lie-based beliefs that would hinder them from “letting-go” of trying to carry the burden and recognizing the Lord’s carrying it. Now you know where you are on the TPM “Map.” You are in the SOLUTION Box. Here is where you would apply the De-Solution Tool (the three questions) to identify the lie that is behind their need to hold on to their weighty burden.
Some typical lie-based reasons for holding on to what appears to be truth-based emotion might include such things as;
“If I let my grief go, then it would mean that I really did not love him.”
“My regret is the way that I punish myself for what I did, and it keeps me from doing it again.”
“If I let go of the disappointment I feel, then she will not realize how badly she hurt me.”
“My being sad is how I let them know that what they did was wrong.”
“My grief is the only connection I have with her. If I let it go, then I will have nothing.”
“Without my remorse, I may go out and sin again.”
Use the Solution Box Questions to help identify the belief that keeps them carrying their burden
Remember, our focus is not on the burden, the pain associated with it, or even the fact that the person believes that they are the one “carrying” it. Rather, we want to determine if there are any lie-based reasons (beliefs) for continuing to “carry” the burden. To do this, simply follow the protocol in the “Solution” section of the map.
The first question in the SOLUTION Box invites the person to acknowledge the fact that they are trying to carry their own burden by asking, “Do you sense any resistance or hesitancy at the thought of… [letting-go of, to stop trying to carry, releasing this burden] and allowing the Lord to carry it?”
Followed by the second question “What do you believe would happen if you were to let [the truth-based pain] go that causes you to resist or hesitate letting it go?” This question exposes the perceived problem that demands holding on to the burden.
This is followed with the question that identifies the belief holding the solution in place, “So then, what is the reason for holding onto the [truth-based pain]?” If they report a belief, then you are now in the BELIEF Box and will follow protocol.
If they say they do not sense any hesitation or resistance in letting it go, then they either do not understand your question, or they are ready and willing to release it. You can invite them to let it go and to stop trying to carry it. If there is no lie-based belief present, they will experience a release of the burden. No matter how they respond or what they appear to do here, you are now in the EMOTION box. Ask the first EMOTION Box question. “What are you feeling now?” If they still feel the “truth-based” pain, then there is still a belief holding it in place. It is not uncommon for a person to have more than one lie-based belief holding what they thought was their “truth-based” pain in place.
You will need to re-explain what is meant by resistance and hesitation, and ask the SOLUTION Box questions again. If they still say that they feel no hesitation or resistance, you may opt to proceed on to the next question anyway, “What do you believe might happen if…” Sometimes they will voice the “problem” here even though they have said they felt no resistance in letting it go. If they state a “problem” such as, “If I let it go, I will lose the only connection I have with my deceased child.” Here you are ready to ask the third De-Solution Tool question, “So then, what does holding on to your grief do for you?” Their answer to this question places you in the BELIEF Box.
Once any and all lie-based reasons for “holding on to” the burden have been addressed and dispelled, the person should have no struggle in “letting-go” of the burden. It should simply be gone. This is a natural outcome of mind-renewal and transformation.
An example of using the De-Solution Tool to deal with the burden.
Facilitator: If you were to consider letting your sadness go, do you sense any hesitation or resistance in doing so?”
Person: “Yes, I really do.”
Facilitator: “What do you believe might happen if you did let it go that causes you to resist or hesitate?”
Person: “Then I would lose the only connection I still have with my husband.”
Facilitator: “So then, what is holding onto your sadness doing for you?”
Person: “It keeps me connected to my husband.” (The lie-based belief)
Now you are in the BELIEF Box and ready to ask, “Not is it true, but does it feel true that…?”
Being alert to the enemy’s strategies
Even though most lie-based belief is established before the age of twelve, some is implanted in the midst of severe life situations. The enemy is always looking out for the broken and cultivated soil of grief to plant seeds such as: “Because my child died, I lost my future.” “Since my wife left me, I can never be whole again.” “It is my fault that he is gone.” When we encounter people who are in the midst of genuine truth-based pain we can be aware of the enemy’s strategy to plant his lies in the midst of their pain. If the person voices lies such as these, you can gently ask, “Would you be willing to hear what the Lord may want you to know about that?” It is common for the Lord to address these lies as soon as the enemy plants them.