Ministry Session Process (Pt. 3) – Unpacking the “BOXES”
Unpacking the Seven Boxes
If there is nothing that causes the session to stop moving forward (such as Anger showing up, no memory coming to mind, emotions go away, etc) then every very session starts in the EMOTION box and will flow in sequential order through to the TRANSFORMATION box. If anything stops the flow of the session then you will move to either the ANGER Box –if it is anger– or to the SOLUTION Box if it is anything else. People will sometimes appear to become “stuck” during a session. when this occurs you are in the SOLUTION Box. The truth is that people are never really stuck in a session, but are making free willed choices not to progress. This is covered in other articles.
Each box has its own set of questions. These questions are designed for specific purposes and are to be asked only in their intended context. There is never a time or reason for you to become creative and make up new questions. This process has been time tested for over two decades and refined to where it is today. Tens of thousands of people around the world are using TPM and reporting good outcomes.
All in all, there are roughly a little over a dozen questions within the process. Each of the questions are discussed in detail in other articles.
Creativity Not Needed
When ministry facilitators track the ministry session along the route through the BOXES, they will know precisely where they are and which questions to ask. The “Boxes” take all the guesswork out of the process. To give you an idea of how the process flows, let’s quickly run through each of the Boxes. Then we will slow the process down and look at each stage in detail.
The first box: the EMOTION Box
First Question: “How does that make you feel?”
This question is designed to see if the person is feeling something in relation to what he is telling you. For example the person might say, “This week my wife was “over the top” difficult to live with. She complained about everything that I did.” The facilitator would ask, “How does that make you feel?”
If the person reports feeling an emotion the facilitator is ready to ask the second question.
“What comes to your mind as you focus on what you are feeling?”
It is CRUCIAL that the person understand what you are asking of him by this question. You are not suggesting that he go look for a memory or try to remember something. This question is discussed in detail in other places, but in brief, this question is designed to remind the person to focus on what he is feeling and allow association to take place.
Emotion is the “smoke trail” to follow that leads to the fire–a belief. Once the person being prayed with is connected to a feeling – his mind should automatically and naturally surface a memory associated with this feeling. This will occur without looking for a memory unless there is a solution belief keeping this from occurring. If he is not feeling any emotion or no memory comes to mind when he is focused on what he is feeling, then you are in the SOLUTION Box and ready to ask the assigned questions in that location.
IMPORTANT: The facilitator should avoid sending the person on a “memory hunt,” but rather have him only focus on what he is feeling. God has created a mental process called association that will bring any related memory to mind unless the person is choosing to keep this from happening.
These two questions are not designed to get the person to go looking for anything. If a person is feeling his lie-based emotions and no memory comes to mind it is because he himself is hindering this from occurring. This is one of the purposes of the second question; to determine if there is anything the person is doing to hinder remembering. Not remembering is intentional and purposeful.
Initially, it is not so important for a person to surface a memory, but rather to determine if there is any hesitation or resistance to remembering. If the facilitator has explained to the person how God has designed our minds to naturally “associate” to a memory, then the person can relax in his emotion and allow his mind to do what it was designed to do.
The facilitator never needs to instruct the person to go looking for a memory or even to try to remember something. He does not need to ask questions such as, “Do you remember ever feeling this way before?” or “Can you recall any memory where you felt this same emotion?” These questions suggest that effort is required to remember. If there is no reason (lie-based belief) for the person not to remember, then when he focuses on what he is feeling (assuming that he actually is feeling his emotion and not suppressing it), his mind will automatically surface a related memory. This is how God has designed the mind to function.
If you ask the second question and the person continues to talk about his current situation, has random thoughts,or appears not to understand what you are asking, then he probably does not know what you are asking. Take time to explain the purpose of the question, association, and why he does not need to go looking for a memory, etc. The more the person comprehends the principles and process the smoother the session will go. When the person understands the principles and process most of –if not all questions and issues — will take care of themselves.
If no memory comes to mind, it is because the person is resisting remembering for some reason. The reason will always be because of something he believes. (We will learn about the De-Solution Tool in a different article.)
For the sake of explaining the SOLUTION Box here, we will assume the person has focused on what he is feeling and a memory has come to mind. However, before we proceed with the MEMORY Box questions, we need to discuss how to know that we are were we need to be before asking them.
Up until very recently, if the person surfaces what appears to be a childhood memory, the former TPM training taught that you were in the MEMORY Box and should ask the MEMORY Box questions. Today we realize that just being in a childhood memory DOES NOT necessarily mean that you are in the right memory. We need to be in the right memory that accurately answers two basic questions: “How did I come to believe the core belief I currently believe? and “Why am I feeling what I am feeling?” This is the primary purpose of memory. The belief that is causing the person to feel what he is feeling is not located in the memory, but the memory will help him to identify it. So it is necessary to make sure that the person is in the right memory before asking the MEMORY Box questions.
How can we know when we are in the right memory? The person will make this determination as the facilitator continues asking the EMOTION Box questions until the person comes to a full stop and no further memory comes to mind. This is the same protocol used when a person surfaces a post-childhood memory.
The earlier training taught that if the person did not surface a childhood memory, but rather remembered a post-childhood one (memories recalling events that occurred after about twelve years of age) you would not ask the MEMORY Box questions. Rather, you would continue asking the EMOTION Box questions until a childhood memory surfaced or the person came to a full stop and no other memory surfaced. We called this “free-falling” through the memories. This was a major time saver.
Here is the slight change to protocol.
If the person surfaces ANY memory —whether childhood or post-childhood— after the facilitator asks the EMOTION Box questions, the facilitator should NOT assume he is in the MEMORY Box just because he is in a childhood memory. Rather, he should continue asking the two EMOTION Box questions with each memory that surfaces until no new memory comes to the person’s mind, just as is done when dealing with a post-childhood memory.
When the person “lands” in a memory (childhood or post-childhood) and no other memory surfaces after asking the two questions, then the facilitator can assume the person is in the MEMORY Box. By doing this, the facilitator will know he can start asking questions from the MEMORY Box because the person has led him there by making the decision to go there himself. This relieves the facilitator of the responsibility of determining when the person is where he needs to be to start asking the MEMORY Box questions. This is not to say that the person will not surface other memories after working through this particular memory, for he may. However, you are where you are because you followed them to this location and not because you made the decision for them.
It is not uncommon to have other childhood memories surface which are different than the one in which you initially “landed” even though the initial memory was childhood. This new protocol will help keep us from spending unnecessary time in memories that cannot help us answer the questions needing answered.
This is an important change in protocol. Read the two articles that address post-childhood memory.
Example of this New Procedure
Person: My child will not do anything I tell him to do!
Facilitator: How does that make you feel?
Person: Out of control, powerless!
Facilitator: As you are focused on what you are feeling, what comes to your mind?
Person: When I was in college I had a roommate who was a slob and I couldn’t get him to clean his side of the room.
Facilitator: How does that make you feel?
Person: Powerless and helpless.
Facilitator: As you are focused on what you are feeling, what comes to your mind?
Person: When I was in grade school, I was continually picked on by this big kid. I couldn’t make him stop.
Facilitator: How did that make you feel?
Person: Helpless and out of control.
Facilitator: As you are focused on what you are feeling, what comes to your mind?
Person: When I was little, my older brother would hold me down and drool his spit toward my face. I hated that!
Facilitator: How does that make you feel?
Person: Out of control. I cannot make it stop!
Facilitator: As you are focused on what you are feeling, what comes to your mind?
Person: Just that same memory. He is sitting on me and spitting in my face.
We are now in the MEMORY Box and ready to ask the MEMORY Box questions.
The Second Box: the MEMORY Box
There are three questions in the MEMORY Box. Two are used more than the other. Two are the primary questions asked while a third one used to bring about clarification as needed. The two primary questions are designed to help the ministry recipient work through layers of what is referred to as assumptions or conclusions, down towards a core belief.
Assumptions and conclusions are technically beliefs in their own right, but they are not core belief or the source of the pain. A core belief produces the painful emotion we feel, while an assumption or conclusion is the logical outcome of the core belief and often distance us from the pain. Assumptions and conclusions include thoughts such as: “No one ever loved me,” “I was never included,” “He was never happy with me” and “Nothing I ever did was good enough.”
The two Primary MEMORY Box Questions
“How does that make you feel?” (asked in response to the recipient sharing either a belief or memory content)
“Why do you feel that way?” (asked when the recipient states an emotion)
After the recipient passes through the layers of assumptions and conclusions, he or she will eventually identify the core belief (also known as heart belief). All core/heart beliefs will fall into one of two types; Self-identity (who I am) or State of Being (descriptive of my state or condition).
Typical Self-identity lies include beliefs such as: “I am worthless,” “I am a defect,” “I am unlovable,” and “There is something wrong with me.”
Common State-of-Being lies include beliefs such as: “I am trapped,” “I am out of control,” “I cannot make it stop,” “I am going to die,” “I am dirty because of what he did to me,” and “There is no way out.” We will learn that a self-identity lie reveals what we believe about ourselves, whereas, a state of being lie reveals our understanding of God.
The third MEMORY Box question that is referred to as the “Looping Question” is asked as needed and usually in either one of two specific places while working through a memory. A person may start looping in their answers to the two primary questions by repeating the same answers to both. When this occurs the third MEMORY Box question can help break the person out of his or her loop. You simply ask the person why does believing what he believes cause him to feel what he is feeling. The other time this question might be asked is to clarify the core belief that is assumed to have been identified. For example a person may be looping with his response to the two primary questions with “My dad is going to hurt me” and “I feel afraid.” The looping question would ask, “Why does believing that your dad is going to hurt you (belief) make you feel afraid (emotion)?” This question takes the persons two responses away requiring him to look deeper.
A looping response might look something like:
Person: “Nothing that I did ever made him happy”
Facilitator: “How did that make you feel?”
Person: “Hopeless.”
Facilitator: “Why did you feel hopeless?”
Person: “Because nothing I ever did made him happy.”
Facilitator: “How did that make you feel?”
Person: “Hopeless.”
The Looping Question is stated like this:
“Why does believing “nothing that you ever did ever made him happy” make you feel hopeless?” or
“Why does believing “that” make you feel that way?”
The other specific place that this question is used is when the facilitator believes that the core belief may have been identified and desires more clarification and certainty. So then, just prior to asking the BELIEF Box Question while still in the MEMORY Box he asks the looping question using the persons responses to the two primary MEMORY Box questions. So then, when the person starts looping with a possible core belief, this questions helps to verify and clarify that the belief they are reporting is indeed their core belief.
A looping core belief might look something like this:
Person: “I am trapped and I cannot make it stop!”
Facilitator: “How does that make you feel?”
Person: “Powerless and helpless.”
Facilitator: “Why do you feel powerless and helpless?”
Person: Because I am trapped and cannot make it stop.”
Facilitator: “How does that make you feel?”
Person: “Powerless and helpless.”
(Looping with what appears to be a State of Being belief)
CLARIFY WITH LOOPING QUESTION
Facilitator: “Why does believing that you are trapped and cannot make it stop, make you feel powerless and helpless?”
Person: “Because that is the truth. I cannot make it stop! I am powerless!” (Confirmed)
It is possible that when you ask this “clarification” question that you will actually move deeper to a different belief. When this happens you just saved some time. Had you lifted the initial belief up to the Lord without obtaining clarification, it is possible that nothing would have happened since you may not have yet identified the actual core belief needing to be exposed.
For example:
Person: “I am trapped and I cannot make it stop!”
Facilitator: “How does believing that you are trapped and cannot make it stop make you feel?”
Person: “Powerless and helpless.”
Facilitator: “Why do you feel powerless and helpless?”
Person: “Because I am trapped and cannot make it stop.” (Possibly State of Being belief)
Facilitator: “Why does believing that you are trapped and cannot make it stop make you feel powerless and helpless?”(Looping Question)
Person: “Because there is something wrong with me. I should have been able to stop it from happening.” (A switch to a different belief)
Facilitator: How does it make you feel to believe that there is something wrong with you?
Person: Like a defect. Broken. Worthless. (Now possibly a Self-identity belief)
Here we see how asking the Looping Question took the person deeper and clarified the core belief. We moved from what we thought was a State of Being lie to a Self-Identity lie.
Once this core belief has been identified, a person moves into the BELIEF box.
In summary, if they are looping in response to assumptions and conclusions you ask the “looping question” to break them out of the loop and move deeper toward the core belief. However, if they are looping with a core belief, this is good. The looping question is not asked to break them out of the looping, but rather to clarify that a core belief has been identified. So in this case, the looping is indication that you have possibly identified the lie that needs to be offered up to the Lord.
In summary, if they are looping in response to assumptions and conclusions you ask the “looping question” to break them out of the loop. However, if they are looping with a core belief, this is good. The looping is indication that you have possibly identified the lie that needs to be offered up to the Lord.
The Third Box: the BELIEF Box
The BELIEF Box Question:
“Not is it true but does it feel true that…?” or
“Not that it is true, but does it feel true that…?”
For example, the question here is, “Not is it true, but does it feel true that YOU ARE WORTHLESS?” After asking this question and establishing the base-line, the ministry recipient will move into the TRUTH box. However, when asking this question it is crucial that you ask it using the person’s response verbatim. Do not change his words or sentence order. Later when we return to this question in the TRANSFORMATION Box, we will again voice it EXACTLY as it has been stated.
The Fourth Box: the TRUTH Box
The TRUTH Box Questions:
“May we present that belief to the Lord?” (transitional)“
“Lord, what do you want [person’s name] to know?”
Once we ask the TRUTH Box question we say nothing else. We wait. How long? Depends. We just watch the person for some sign of a visible cue that may suggest it is time to move to the TRANSFORMATION Box. Sometimes people act out in some form or fashion, speak what they are experiencing, report what they believe the Lord is revealing to them, cry or sigh. Nevertheless, the facilitator does not comment, ask any questions, inquire as to what has happened, he just waits. If it seems that the person has completed whatever he was doing, you are ready to ask the TRANSFORMATION Box question.
However, there are some people, who do not provide you any indication about what is going on. It is as if they have become frozen in their chair –almost lifeless. With these people you will need to wait a few minutes (which will probably seem longer to you than to them) and then you will ask the “LOST Question.” The Lost Question is a specialty question that is only used at specific places along the way. You ask it when you are not sure what is going on, when you have lost your way, when you are clueless as to what to do next. The question is simple yet profound…
“What’s Going On?”
The reason that we do not need to say anything while they are processing in the TRUTH Box is that we do not know what is going on. Just because something appears to be happening does not mean that something actually is. And just because it appears that nothing is happening does not mean that it isn’t. Our only test for transformation is through asking the TRANSFORMATION Box question. The only test for transformation is “Does the lie still feel true?” Only the Spirit can bring this change about. The person can tell himself the truth, he can imagine Jesus hugging him and angles singing, but this does not mean that the lie has been effected. He may even report that he does not think anything happened, and then discover that the lie no longer feels true.
The truth is there is no reason for us to ask questions about what did or didn’t happen while in the TRUTH Box. We just wait.
The Fifth Box: the TRANSFORMATION Box
In some of the older editions of the TPM training, we attempted to test for transformation using the emotional state of the person. If there was peace, we assumed transformation had occurred. Today we realize that the “peace test” is not entirely reliable. Knowing that peace will follow truth, what is described as peace is not always His peace. The only consistent test we have is simply, “Does the lie still feel (seem) true?” Only the Holy Spirit can displace a lie and replace it with truth. Only He can make the lie that felt true to no longer feel true.
The person can sometimes make the pain go away, calm themselves down, think happy thoughts, or choose to focus on some truth they may have already received and feel the peace from that truth. Nevertheless, only the Holy Spirit can take a lie that was feeling true and cause it to stop feeling true. He does this by replacing it with His perspective. Only He can do that.
In the same way, that no one can talk us out of our experience, no one can talk us out of a belief that we hold experientially. It is common for people to say such things as, “I know that it is not true (intellectually), but it feels true that I am worthless.” We feel whatever we believe or conversely, we believe whatever we feel.” Some well meaning ministers have tried to get us to deny what we feel and choose to believe the truth. The problem with this approach is that it makes the emotion the problem, when, in fact, emotion is simply a symptom (or indicator) of belief. The answer is not found in denying our emotions, but rather, in changing our beliefs. Here again, we cannot simply choose to stop believing a lie and start believing the truth. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about this renewal of the mind. No measure of effort on our part will change what we experientially believe.
Once the TRANSFORMATION question is asked, and if time permits (the CLOCK Principle), the ministry recipient moves back up to the EMOTION box, and you continue through the process again.
IMPORTANT POINT: Whether or not the lie still feels true, the person still moves back up to to the Emotion box (however, if you are facilitating, remember the Clock Principle!)
The SOLUTION Box and the ANGER Box
The final two Boxes are the SOLUTION Box and the ANGER Box. These boxes are visited often during many ministry sessions. These last two Boxes are discussed in articles all to themselves. Read more about the SOLUTION Box and the ANGER Box here.
You just worked through a brief overview of the TPM Process. Now it is time to work through it again, but this time in expanded detail. Click here to proceed.
SUMMARY VIDEO
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